How
balanced is your use of technology? How often do you go offline? For a weekend? A day? An hour?
When
parents set boundaries around their own use of technology they have more power
to suggest and enforce boundaries with their families. Role modeling one’s own productive
use of technology is an effective method for helping children and teens “use
technology rather than let it use them.”
Technology free zones in the house work well, for example during family mealtime and during sleep time which would include all bedrooms, including the parents. If you, the adult, don’t use
your digital device in the car, you can expect the same from your teens, who are very aware of their parents' compulsions to pick up their cellphones. In a
recent
study, by Liberty Mutual and MADD, “Nearly 91
percent of teens witnessed their parents talking on their cell phone, and 90
percent admitted to doing it themselves. When it comes to texting and driving,
nearly 59 percent of parents were caught doing it and 78 percent of teens
admitted they had done it, too, once they saw their parents engage in the
behavior.”
Digital detoxes are a more radical way to unplug. My
friend, Ritchie Perkins and his wife instituted technology detoxes in their
household on Wednesday nights and Sundays until 5 pm. Their sons complained,
and still complain, when they are asked to unplug, but it is now part of their
family culture. Even when the boys say, “We’re the only ones who have to do
this,” they know it’s for their own good, as most teens do. The family has begun to see some of the benefits of such unplugging. In Ritchie’s words, “We
spend Sundays having fun in real life, real time activities. We walk the dogs together, or we play a board
game, or sometimes we go to the Huntington Theater. But mostly what I like
about it is that we are hanging out together, talking about something (or
maybe even nothing). It’s the simply hanging out that I like best about
no-technology.” Ritchie’s family is in the minority because it takes energy and
persistence to enforce these types of boundaries, especially with digital
natives who have never known a life without technology.
My
response? I have spent very little time away from technology, even on yoga
retreats where I journal and write. I’ve often used the rationale that I need
my computer to do this since I write more fluidly on a keyboard. Of
course, I am also connected to the Internet, so perhaps my reasoning is a
little suspect. This past weekend I went to Omega Institute for Sustainable
Living to see Pema
Chodrun, a 78 year Buddhist Nun and
“Rock Star.” Anyone who has read her many books or spent time with her will
agree. Her teachings on presence, mindfulness, and meditation are the
antithesis of the mindless distraction of unconscious computing. Though it was
not a requirement of the retreat, I decided to leave my cell phone at home. I
gave my daughters emergency numbers, put an away message on my Gmail, and went
off the grid.
I was
amazed at the results. Granted I was in silence for the first part of the
weekend in a camp like environment where there was very little need for
technology. Nevertheless, I noticed my frequent impulse to check my phone for
texts from my daughter, emails about upcoming plans, and Facebook
notifications. Gradually, the need to check my phone subsided. The most
surprising observation was in the morning. After reaching for an absent phone,
there was nothing to distract me from getting up and rolling out my yoga mat. I
usually intend to meditate and practice yoga for awhile to start
the day clear and focused, but often times I am distracted by my phone. With those
precious early morning minutes gone, I spend time, while on my computer, with my
teenage daughter before she heads to school.
As the
weekend progressed I truly felt my mind settle, relying on my own thoughts and
memories rather than googling questions I had about this idea and that. I didn’t
look up the books Pema mentioned on Amazon, rather I found them in the Omega
Bookstore. I found it easy to handwrite in my journal, and I came up with many ideas for this blog
entry, as well as other creative musings. Alex Soojung-Kim Pang, author of the
book The Distraction Addiction,
writes about balancing technology through conscious computing.
He says
that when you go through a digital detox, “You might feel your mind slowing
down a bit, but in a good way. Some of the cognitive sediment stirred up by
juggling work, personal life, and virtual distractions is starting to settle.
And the stillness that’s left, which people usually assume is a terrifying
boredom that has to be filled with something, actually isn’t bad after all. It’s
the feeling of your extended mind tuning up, your attention rebuilding, the
balance between the human and high-tech parts of your righting itself.”
I plan to
implement more of my own self-imposed digital detoxes, including a 5 day yoga
training at Esalen later this month.
October 6 is the kick-off for the TextLess, Live More Campaign I’ve written about in previous posts. My daughter and her friends
introduced the campaign to their Rivers and
Revolutions' Cohort, so they will be joining the other schools and
colleges around the country. Hopefully, this group will bring it forth to the
entire CCHS community, and set the trend for a more balanced digital life.
